Rural Australian Computer Terminology 

   

LOG ON                        Adding wood to make the barbie hotter. 

LOG OFF                       Not adding any more wood to the barbie. 

MONITOR                     Keeping an eye on the barbie. 

DOWNLOAD                Getting the firewood off the Ute. 

HARD DRIVE               Making the trip back home without any cold  tinnies. 

KEYBOARD                 Where you hang the Ute keys. 

WINDOW                      What you shut when the weather's cold. 

SCREEN                         What you shut in the mozzie season. 

BYTE                              What mozzies do. 

MEGABYTE                   What Townsville mozzies do. 

CHIP                               A bar snack. 

MICROCHIP                   What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips. 

MODEM                          What you did to the lawns. 

LAPTOP                          Where the cat sleeps. 

SOFTWARE                     Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster. 

HARDWARE                   Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart. 

MOUSE                           The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed. 

MAINFRAME                 What holds the shed up. 

WEB                               What spiders make. 

WEBSITE                        Usually in the shed or under the verandah. 

SEARCH ENGINE          What you do when the Ute won't go. 

CURSOR                        What you say when the Ute won't go. 

YAHOO                          What you say when the Ute does go. 

UPGRADE                      A steep hill. 

SERVER                         The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. 

MAIL SERVER              The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch. 

USER                             The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. 

NETWORK                    What you do when you need to repair the fishing net. 

 INTERNET                   Where you want the fish to go. 

 NETSCAPE                  What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net. 

ONLINE                        Where you hang the washing.  

OFFLINE                      Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.